Honestly

Honestly, things are looking mechanical for me. It's about looking at the clock and waiting for baby to wake up. Wake up already then feed. During feed, speak encouragingly and in high pitch. After that, burp baby. Then it'll be time for my own meal time. And things repeat.

Honestly, I don't feel an overwhelming sense of joy or anticipation. It feels very mechanical. Like I must do this and that simply because it's good, not because I genuinely want to. 

So what do I want? What am I created to do? What really makes me happy? What do I do that makes me joyful?

Planning an event?

Orphanage set-up?

Music? Songs?

Where does it lie?